9:00-10:30ish — Cardio, Deadlifts, and Arms
10:30-14:00 — Food prep for Noche Buena
15:00-22:15 — Zabarte (received 2,600 Php)
22:25-23:20 — Constructed this post

I don’t know if it’s age or my lack of religiosity or my mom’s absence that’s been preventig me from feeling the holiday spirit. However, I still remind myself that there’s so much to be thankful for, and that we are given obstacles to hurdle for a reason. At least the food was good. Happy holidays, everyone! :)🎄


Body Pain et al.

Guess who went hard in the gym for the past two days? *raises hand* I’m staying at home for today to get some rest since it’s pretty obvious that my body is begging for it. I went all out on squats, deadlifts, back, and legs last Sunday. I think I’ve been working on the wrong weight, though, since I was supposed to squat 120lb for 5×6 and deadlift 130lb for 2 reps and ended up deadlifting it for 3×8 since the weight felt suprisingly light for a triple digit. Yesterday, however, I had to set up the rack since the bar I normally use was in the bench press area. I picked up a similar-looking bar behind the chest press machine and holy cow I knew immediately that it was the Olympic bar. Apparently I’ve been using the regular bar up until that session and didn’t know it since they looked the same. I knew something was wrong about the weight!! So long story short, the bar I’ve been using was way lighter and so it fucked up my measurements. Yesterday I squatted 132lbs for 5×4 instead of 120lb for 4×9 just because I felt like making up for the weight I failed to account for in my previous sessions. Also did some work on the triceps, arms, and abs for a totally smashing workout. Gotta make the most of my membership!

I’ve been seeing some definition, especially my back (YAY!) which motivates me to strive harder in the gym. I also think that I’m doing fine in my cut, although I can still use some improvement in filling in my macros, especially my protein intake. I actually talked to one of my former instructors the other day to ask if he thinks that whey protein is a good idea. He told me to stick to real food (hehe) since whey is quite expensive.

I’d like to think I’m prepared for the holiday season (FOOD) since for the past few weeks all I’ve done is discipline myself on my food choices. I don’t cheat anymore since IIFYM allows treats as long as it fits my macros. Woot. It’s more of an “I won’t” instead of “I can’t” mentality. Anyway, I’ve been thinking of getting a foam roller for quite some time now but that darn thing is too pricey so I think that’ll come much later. What I need as of the moment is a weightlifting belt. I messaged one of my idols, @littlemisspatricia, on Instagram if she has any suggestions. I look forward to being as successful as her in the industry. But mostly I just wanna be happy and content with the way I look, of course without sacrificing hunger for progress. Diana Malloy is also one of my inspirations, since she’s gotten the discipline down at a young age. I should’ve started earlier had I known that this lifestyle is so much better, but hey, I have the rest of my life to keep doing what I’m doing. No use crying over wasted time.

Anyway, it’s almost Christmas and I’m still broke. I have yet to pay my apartment’s rent and get Chao a gift. I hope that changes in a few days, though. I still have a lot of stuff to do (*cough* THESIS) but vacation isn’t even halfway done yet so I’m taking my sweeeeet time before doing anything school-related. I should probably start transcribing my interviews, though.

So there you go. My rambling for the day.

Off-topic: Pickles went to dog heaven yesterday due to a blood parasite from a tick bite. I can’t help but feel sad for Chao since I know how much he loved that dog. I hope Vinnie lives a long, happy, healthy life. And I hope Pickles is watching over him from the sky.


New beginnings

I’m back. It’s been three years since my last post (it’s worth mentioning that I forgot the site handle that’s why I stopped blogging). So, why start a new one? And why now?

I didn’t create another blog for the purpose of sharing this to the whole world.  I want a space that I can proudly call mine–someplace where I can just lash out on the world or simply share my innermost thoughts–and since I’m too poor to buy a domain and I don’t like to lug a notebook, this will have to do. I actually have a lot in my mind that I’m too scared to say out loud. It’s come to the point where I scare myself.

Introductions. The first step to familiarity. I guess it’s just fitting if I type a few things about myself before I move on to the serious stuff. Start with the basics, as they usually say.

Hello, I’m Colleen. I’m a 20-year old girl who’s constantly torn between bumming and exercising. I love to lift weights, and secretly I want to be a fitness celebrity–or maybe just popular enough to get athletic wear sponsors, since sports apparel are expensive as fuck. I own a fat black pug with my I-don’t-know-what-to-call-him-because-I-don’t-know-what-we-are named Vinnie. We named him after my favorite character from the Jersey Shore.  I sleep a lot. I also do a bit of arts and crafts when I feel like it. I think I have bipolar disorder, judging by the intensity of my mood swings, and it’s actually part of the reason why I started this. Since I can’t be in the gym all the time and I can’t spend the rest of my life sleeping (actually I can but I don’t want to get into the dark stuff), I thought that maybe writing about my feelings might help. I sure hope it does.

I named this blog “the rabbit hole” because just like the one from Alice in Wonderland, this sort of opens up to a different plane. Here, I can be who I really am. I don’t want to hide anything from this blog. I’m not the type to tell people my more serious thoughts and my honest-to-God feelings, so to be honest I’d freak out if someone finds this. Haha.

That’s about it, I guess. Hi, again. 🙂


xx Colleen